Moroccan Jukebox

As everyone is aware, Cat Stevens has maintained for some time now the stage name, Yusuf Islam. As none of you are aware, this is also the name of a humble fish vendor in a small town on the Moroccan coast.

Moroccan joke:

These Japanese guys bring a large refrigerator on an airplane. The plane has trouble, and they say, “we are going to push it out.” And they do.

My moment with the Moroccan Yusuf Islam was brief, but in the short time we shared, I watched as he kneeled on a beachside rock formation. He opened and cleaned fish using only his hands. I discreetly hummed the refrain of “Wild World.”

How did I learn his name you ask? Is this an attack on Islam, flimsily disguised?

No. In case you haven’t read my recent four part offering to you (Funny Scene II), or in case you did not read it in its entirety, or in case you read it through to the last sentence, but you happen to be one of the half-conscious pre-teens that have been plaguing me:

I have a newfound connection to the town. All of the people converse with me now. I may have a future as a Moroccan bon vivant.

Despite my burgeoning social status, I found myself stealing away into the dark alleys of YouTube, my poor-man’s jukebox. Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, in lieu of authentic video, someone ‘dedicated’ has compiled a hackneyed slide-show via stock photo sites like photobucket.com or some such purveyor of vague, disembodied images.

Moroccan joke two:

A man say he love woman. She say, if you love me, get this bracelet (bras-let) and she throw it in lake. The man go in and get it, and when he gets out, she is not there. Where did she go?

Remember that refrigerator they threw out the plane?

There is a live acoustical performance of “Wild World,” from ’71 on YouTube. Cat has chosen a high school janitorial closet as the venue. The audience either sits cross-legged on the floor in a semi-circle or lurks awkwardly around brooms, ladders or buckets.

A crucial event occurs before the singing begins. Cat, in his delicate British voice, intones,

“Uhm, this song is called ‘Wild World,’ and…. it’s a hit.”

One older ‘bachelor’ in the audience laughs in a slow, croaking,

‘oh ah uh.’

If you are ever at an exclusive concert, or anything recorded live, for that matter, right before the performance, laugh in a loud and absurd manner. For the price of a concert ticket, you can slide easily into the second-hand underwear of immortality.

To that man with the cancerous throat, he and Cat shared a joke together. He was the one who understood Cat. That man is like that woman in the holiday sweater, over-laughing through Twelfth Night. It’s just that, you know, she so gets Shakespeare.

Cat Stevens, over here! Hey, Cat! Hey, if you want, we could get a beer together, later. It’ll just be the two of us, two mature adults; like-minds enjoying like-minds. Look, I don’t want to move too fast, but if you want, I’ll be your live-in sycophant. I mean, if you want me. Just murmur, “it’s a hit,” it’ll be our code word. I’ll know you’re inviting me to sleep at the foot of your bed, curled like a cat. Oh! Gosh! I said like a cat, but you’re Cat, I don’t know what I’m even saying. It doesn’t matter. Oh Cat, I’ll always be there, Cat Stevens; I’ll always be ready to choke out low throaty chuckles for you.

Almost six million people on YouTube have heard that man’s odorous laugh. I am confident that there are not six million people on the planet who know I even exist. Maybe twenty thousand people are even peripherally aware of the existence of me.

YouTube’s comment section often becomes an impromptu forum on, say, Islam. The person who posted this particular Cat Stevens video made the opening remarks/ fired the first salvo:

“Cat Stevens the performer is what this video is about. The deal with Islam and such has nothing to do with this. No religious beliefs are perfect, you must use your own mind.”

A core sampling of the responses:

One viewer huffily tells another that they,

“commented [their] opinion like everyone else.”

“Religion is a guidance not a law in which to punish and hate, and also u are so retard.”

“it was weird when a very gifted Cat went all Yusuf on us.”

This ‘it was weird’ comment sparks a zealot, hovering over the keyboard, waiting for just such a moment to shriek,

“cat stevens is now a muslim, glory to Allah!!!”

NOTE: Moroccan jokes have been appropriated from my friend Abdullah and shared without his permission, as is customary with Moroccan jokes.

NOTE TWO: I'm out of Taghazout, and into Jimi Hendrix's old haunt, Essaouira.

Be ready.